Tanya linked to a pretty damn funny story about a fight while dressed as South Park characters. While I can’t say that I’ve ever been in a fight where I or the other people were dressed as cartoon characters, seeing this called the best fight story in ages did remind me of something pretty funny that happened to me years ago.
isilo 4.27crackWhen I was younger and much stupider, I didn't control my temper very well, and that led to quite a few fights. It also led to me having a reputation as someone who was quick to fight under just about any circumstance, and not really someone you wanted to be in a fight with.
One beautiful Saturday afternoon, I was walking out of the local Wal-Mart, and just as the automatic door closed behind me, I saw a quick movement to my right and the next thing I knew I was laid out across all the pre-assembled bikes. I could feel my cheek right under my eye starting to swell, and my vision was a little blurry for a minute, but mostly I was just pissed. I could not believe someone had just come up and punched me in the side of the head.
Well, if you’ve never tried to get up off a bunch of bikes you just dominoed, let me tell you, it’s hard. I couldn’t get my footing. I couldn’t find anything to push up on with my hand. Trying to get up off the pile of bikes pissed me off more than I was already. When I finally did get to my feet, I started toward the person who had hit me, and all of a sudden I realized he was like 13 years old. Aside from the embarrassment of being laid out by a kid, I was also just completely amazed that he had the nerve to do that. Truth be known though, he didn’t look full of nerve at the moment. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look more scared in my life. Frankly, I didn’t care how scared or young he was. I was about to beat his ass for knocking me down when he started stammering..
“OH MY GOD!!! I’m sorry.. I didn’t know it was you.. You’re Robert ****! (last name deleted)”
“You’re goddamn right I am!”
Just about the time I got a grip on his shirt, he started screaming.
“I would never hit you like that. I’m so sorry. Please man. Please don’t hurt me. My cousin knows you. I know who you are now. I thought you were someone else. Please man, I’m begging you..”
Even I’m not that cold hearted. I was still mad, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything to the guy. He just looked so scared and small. So I let him go with a small push and told him to get the hell away from me, and off he goes at a run.
I was actually feeling pretty damn good about what a nice guy I was as I unlocked my car, and I heard someone say, "Damn. I can’t believe you did that.”
I looked over, and there’s the kid who punched me, with about 10 other kids about his age all standing around him like he was God or something. I heard him say very clearly, “I told you I wasn’t scared him. Didn’t I tell you I’d punch that bitch in his eye and he wouldn’t do a damn thing about it? Now give me my money!!”
Sure enough, they all start handing him money. Evidently, I was the subject of a dare that became a bet, and I’d just been conned. I started to go over there, but to be honest, I thought it was pretty funny. What a set of balls on that kid! I don’t know how much money his friends gave him for hitting me, but I figured with the performance he put on, he’d earned it. I just went home, put ice on my eye, and tried to figure out who I was going to say hit me. I damn sure wasn’t going to tell anyone the truth.
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